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Imbibing The Experience And Not Just The Alcohol
The problem with drinking is that the better of an idea it seems to be, the less likely that is probably the case. I have spent roughly a decade partying responsibly but, lately, drinking hasn’t been...
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Achieving Social Repose: Letting Others Have a Gay Old Time
Some people claim that gay sex is an abomination and often equate it with bestiality. But that doesn’t really seem fair, because when you look lustfully into the eyes of a dog it can’t whisper “take...
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Paternal Evolution: The Impediment of All Natural Urges
A number of my friends are having children so I have been thinking a lot about fatherhood lately. The relationship with a father, especially as another male, is probably the most complicated concept I...
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The Detestable Semblance: Faking a Persona You Can Live With
I was on a walk to the pharmacy to pick up some cold medicine and I saw two women breast feeding in the rain and one cat. The cat wasn’t breast feeding and really isn’t relevant to the story, but it...
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The Low Down on Getting High
I often find myself wondering about drug laws because there doesn’t seem to be any real rhyme or reason to them. Some potentially harmful synthetic drugs are regulated and sold as medicine, while other...
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Needless Honking and, by Extension, People
If I could go back in time and change history, I would travel back and kill every single person that was involved with developing car horns. I don’t know if you know this but car horns have gotten...
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Getting Old: The Side Effect of Aging
While some people grow older with grace and maintain their beauty, others age like a curse has been put upon them. But, eventually, we will all start to resemble rotting jack o’ lanterns in both...
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How Headaches Have Changed My Life
I have never made the mistake of having exceptionally high expectations for my birthday but, despite my best efforts, other people always anticipate that it’s going to be this magical moment for me. It...
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A Ghost in the Mind is Worth Two in the Bush
Watching someone attempt to fight off ghosts in real life is nothing like it’s portrayed in the movies. On the big screen it’s all Hollywood special effects and computerized lasers but, in reality,...
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Terrible Advice That Could Potentially Work
In my experience, the best way to get a woman to like you is to be totally apathetic and make as many bad jokes as humanly possible. Keep in mind that this really only works on women you aren’t...
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The Information on Osculation: A Brief Kisstory
Millions of years ago one caveman told another, “Put your mouth on my mouth. I bet it will feel totally good.” and kissing was born. Ever since that day, the origin and rules of kissing have been...
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The You Monsters Are People Audio Experience: ZZ Power Bottom
In the fifth episode, guests Joseph Hastings (Christian leader and Beacon of Light recipient) and Junior Walker Thomas (Law Student and United Atheist Alliance member) weigh in with their thoughts on...
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Avian Action Almost Spoiled My Sunday Morning
As an adult your opportunities to participate in sleepovers diminish slowly over time. I am not sure if it has something to do with an unwillingness to sleep anywhere other than your own bed or if...
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The Modern Chicken: A Theropod At Heart
Tyrannosaurus rex is more closely related to a chicken than it is to an alligator. Think about that the next time you’re at a farm and you see twenty potential man eaters pecking away at food scraps....
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They Can Put A Man On The Moon
Americans used to be able to complain about something by saying “they can put a man on the moon….” Well they can put a man on the moon but now they can’t even do that anymore.
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Air Conditioning Doesn’t Build Character
I have been carrying around a sweater with me all summer because this country has an egregious and unhealthy obsession with air conditioning. Air conditioning doesn’t build character or make you a...
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Some Anti-Vaxxer I Know Gave Birth To A Mutant
In a country where a television network previously called The Learning Channel can have a programming lineup filled with shows about about fat illiterate families that yell all the time and people who...
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Police Stopped Climate Change… Protesters From Protesting.
Over the weekend nearly half of a million people peacefully marched down Sixth Avenue through Midtown Manhattan hoping to make the correct amount of noise required to convince corrupt decision-makers...
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Smoking: Still Totally Cool
I used to love smoking. For years smoking allowed me to take longer and more frequent breaks at work, was a good excuse to get off my ass and go outside, and frequently allowed me an opportunity to...
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My New Mom Is A Computer
Like many of you, I was born of a human mother made of soft pink flesh and electric impulses wrapped up in skin and topped with hair. She was a kindly woman and my father loved her dearly for all three...
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